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Porn
Addiction
Some people assume that all addictions are to chemicals – specifically,
chemicals taken in from outside the body. Alcohol, nicotine, cocaine, heroin,
and other drugs fit that description. But people can be addicted to behaviors
as well. These include eating, gambling and sex.
Are these behavioral addictions as real as drug addictions? Are they
as powerful and potentially destructive? Yes, they are. One reason is
that their impact on the brain is as physically real as drug addiction.
The common feature of all addictions is that the drugs or behaviors involved
cause crucial changes in brain chemistry. Alcohol and other drugs affect
neurotransmitters in the brain. So do certain behaviors, including sexual
activity.
We literally carry around our own mood-altering chemicals. They’re
located in our brains. These chemicals can be suppressed or released by
drugs taken in or behaviors acted out. At the basic level, all addictions
are chemical, since they alter chemicals within the brain. In fact, it’s
impossible to become addicted to any drug or behavior that doesn’t
cause changes in brain chemistry – changes that dull pain or produce
pleasure.
Sexual addiction results when one becomes compulsively dependent upon
sexual activity to produce changes in mood. In most cases, sex is used
to dampen or escape inner pain. Common types of such psychic pain include
depression, stress, anxiety, fear, and shame. Many sexual addicts carry
immense shame regarding their activities. They feel driven to behaviors
that are counter to their ethical standards. This produces shame –
and the pain of that shame, ironically, leads them to further acting out.
The result can be a progressive downward spiral into deeper and more serious
addictive behaviors.
An understanding of sexual addiction’s root causes is very helpful
for those desiring recovery. The purpose is not to “blame” others
for one’s behaviors or to escape all moral responsibility for them.
But it’s helpful to know what forces feed the compulsions and dependencies that drive
us. Let’s look at five classic features of sexual addiction and the
factors involved in each:
Faulty beliefs about self
Dr. Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in sexual addiction
research, has identified four core beliefs of most sexual addicts.
They usually result from a dysfunctional family upbringing, especially
one with rigid rules, little affirmation, emotional abandonment,
and sexual or emotional abuse. The core beliefs are: 1
1) I am basically a bad, unworthy person Sexual addiction usually begins in childhood. Carnes
writes, “When a child’s exploration of sexuality goes beyond discovery
to routine self-comforting because of the lack of human care, there
is potential for addiction. Sex becomes confused with comforting
and nurturing.” 2 For example, a lonely and abused 13
year old finds comfort in masturbation and pornography. More and
more, he or she uses that for solace. As years go by, the type of
sexual acting out may change. It can involve promiscuity, affairs,
visiting massage parlors or prostitutes, and even viewing child
pornography. Incidentally, Carnes believes that the addict who focuses
on children “usually has suffered some interruption in his or her
own development while growing up. There is a part of the addict
which is not any older than the victim.” 3
Denial
Sexual addicts, like all addicts, have an incredible
ability to ignore the depth of their problem, blame others, and
minimize behaviors and their consequences. They hide, rationalize,
and lie. The first step toward recovery is the breaking of that
denial. Only when one can become truly honest about one’s actions,
their consequences, and one’s personal responsibility for them,
can recovery start to occur.
Compulsivity and Dependence
Addiction is characterized by an inner compulsion
that’s beyond the addict’s ability to resist. The alcoholic will
swear he’ll never drink again, only to get drunk the same evening.
And the sexual addict will vow never again to visit prostitutes,
go to strip bars, or download child pornography. "Today is
the last day", he’ll say. He might get rid of his “stash,”
make yet another promise to his wife, or make a solemn vow to God.
But, sooner or later, he goes back to his habit.
Unless he gets help. The man or woman addicted
to sex cannot recover on his or her own. They just can’t. For information
on how to recover, click above on Getting Help or here.
Tolerance and Escalation
The brain is highly adaptable. Whenever it’s confronted
with excess amounts of a chemical, whether taken in from outside
the body or manufactured within, it makes adjustments. It tries
to bring things into balance by becoming less sensitive to that
chemical. That’s why addictions of all types are characterized by
tolerance. The same dose of a “drug” (chemical or behavior)
fails to produce as much of a response as it once did. For the sexual
addict, images or activities that once seemed exciting become humdrum.
That, in turn, leads to escalation. To obtain
the “rush” of desired mood change, a higher and higher dose of the
drug or behavior must be used. A sexual addict may start out by
masturbating with soft core pornography. Then he escalates to using
hard core porn. After that, his need for a mood fix leads him into
danger seeking, possibly in downloading illegal child porn. It might
even lead him to molestation or rape. Fortunately, most users of
child porn do not progress that far. But the danger exists that
some will.
Powerlessness and Unmanageability
The first of the Twelve Steps of recovery, as developed
by Alcoholics Anonymous and adapted by other recovery groups, says
this: “We admitted we were powerless over ________ and that our
lives had become unmanageable.” The addict must fill in the blank
with his/her particular drug(s) or behavior(s). It could be one
or a combination of alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, overworking,
spending, compulsive sexual behavior, etc.
The purpose of the first step is to break through
the most powerful force of addiction, denial. The addict may say,
“I’m not powerless over this because I could stop at any time.”
Of course, he never does - or if he does, it’s only for a time. Powerlessness
means that even though I know I shouldn’t be doing this, because
it’s wrong or it might cause serious consequences for me, I do it
anyway. It means I can’t say no to this behavior at every point
in time (including the present). It’s difficult to admit that one
is powerless over something. Common sense says that if we don’t
want to do something, we can “just say no.” But addictions aren’t
ruled by common sense. They’re ruled by compulsions. And compulsions
are baffling, cunning and powerful.
The second part of the first step is acknowledging
that one’s life has become unmanageable. Many addicts imagine
that if they still have their job, their wife, or their homes, they
haven’t reached the point of unmanageability. Sadly, they often
wait until such things are lost before recognizing their need to
recover. But unmanageability means that life is seriously out of
balance. It means spending hours with pornography instead of hours
enjoying your family, friends, or healthy recreational activities.
To determine whether you might have a serious problem
or even addiction related to pornography, please take the self-assessment
quiz on this website. Just click here.
1. Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding
Sexual Addiction, 2nd ed. (Hazelden, 1992), pp. 69-72 |
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