Family & Friends

The discovery of child pornography use, particularly when it involves someone close, can be emotionally devastating. Children are precious in God’s sight and in most people’s sight. Their exploitation or abuse is an ugly thing. It’s only natural to assume that adults who view child pornography are evil and vile creatures – and probable child molesters. It’s also common for spouses to assume that somehow, they’re inadequate or partly to blame. Such automatic conclusions, among other things, often lead to divorce, social humiliation, and even suicide.

Before leaping to conclusions, however, get the facts. Take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then consider the following points:

	First, the bad news Make no mistake about it. Child pornography is an evil thing. It’s also highly illegal and subject to both federal and state prosecution. The penalties, particularly in the federal system, are quite severe. (Click above on Federal and State Law for further information.) Furthermore, the making of child pornography requires child abuse and can cause lasting and severe consequences for the children involved. The purchase of child porn provides an economic incentive for the continuing abuse of children through child pornography production. And the use of child porn damages the user and others. (Click above on What’s the Harm? or here for further information.)
	Not all child porn users have molested children Studies of federally incarcerated child porn offenders, who must submit to lie detector tests, show that only about half of them have ever molested a child. So don’t jump to unnecessary conclusions. If your husband has downloaded or otherwise viewed child porn, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s been molesting your daughter, son, or other children. On the other hand, don’t automatically assume he hasn’t, or never will, either. If you want to know the indicators of possible child sexual abuse, click here.
	It’s not your fault This isn’t about you. It has nothing to do with how attractive or appealing you are. This is about the user. Two factors are often involved. First, the child porn user may have experienced trauma or abuse in their childhood that predisposed them (even many years later) to child porn use. Second, the ready availability of child porn on the internet has enabled such predispositions to become active behaviors. You aren’t to blame.
	He (or she) needs help This problem must not be ignored! Sadly, most child porn users neglect getting help until they’ve suffered severe consequences (such as trouble with the law). Spouses and others often believe assurances that “I won’t do this anymore” or “This was just a one time thing.” In fact, you may not be aware of the full extent of the problem. It’s quite common for users of pornography to deny or minimize their problem. And even if you’re sure the use of child porn has not led your loved one or friend to be sexual with children, note this: the use of pornography can, and often has, led to more serious acts. The time to do something is NOW! Insist that the person involved get help. For further information, click on the relevant heading below: 12-Step Recovery Organizations Counseling and Treatment Centers Finding a Therapist Good Books Recovery Retreats
	You need help If you’re a spouse, lover, family member or close friend of a child porn user, you’ve probably been affected in a significant way. This is particularly true if the user is a pornography addict. (Click above on Pornography Addiction or here for further information.) It’s common for those close to addicts to become co-addicts. The easiest way to understand co-addiction is to recognize that when you spend a lot of intimate time with a “crazy person,” you risk becoming a little crazy yourself. Symptoms of co-addiction include denial and/or rationalization of the addict’s behavior and preoccupation with or attempted control of that behavior. It also includes enabling. That includes covering up for the addict, protecting him or her from consequences, etc. Recovery from child porn use, especially when pornography or sexual addiction is present, is a family affair. Click on the relevant listing below to obtain further information about organizations, retreats and books helpful to spouses, families and close friends of those addicted to pornography.
	Consider installing filtering software To investigate filtering software that can protect your family from receiving pornographic images or unwanted solicitations, click here. (Note: this will take you to American Family Filter, www.afafilter.com). Indicators of Possible Sexual Abuse Organizations to help spouses, families and friends Recovery Retreats for sexual addicts and their families Good Books for families and friends